For some time I’ve been feeling moody and generally unhappy. My ability to become frustrated with things that go wrong is ever-increasing, and my tolerance fuse seems to be ever-shortening. Co-incident with those feelings was the real physical manifestation of almost constant weariness — waking up tired, never-ending back and shoulder pain, and so on. I really was starting to feel like the proverbial “cranky old man”.
The worst part of this was the fact that the feelings have worsened after I had made what I thought was positive changes in my outlook. I’ve been more focused on exercise and physical activity, and trying really hard to spend more time with the family.
On the bus on the way home from work on Friday I was looking out the window and thinking about… nothing. I closed my eyes for a moment, and the feeling of relaxation I had — for just a moment — was blissful. At that point I realised that my problem was probably little more than the fact that I am completely and utterly burnt-out.
I began to think about the times recently that I’ve been away from work. We went to the beach for a couple of days in January, but as every parent knows a family holiday (particularly with young kids) is just all the same stuff with some different scenery. Last September we went to Melbourne, but I was working. A few days here and there for trips to the beach and so on. In November 2009 I did my European trip, which is probably the closest thing to a vacation I’ve had in the last two years, but again I was working.
I realised, again like just about every parent does, that I haven’t had a proper “holiday” since before our first child arrived — for me that means 2003 (I’m guessing it was when S and I went to Rotorua while I was working in NZ, but again that was only a couple of days).
So what’s my plan? After all, a realisation is worthless unless it is acted upon. Well I do have a holiday in mind, but that won’t be until toward the end of the year (and I’ve probably given away too much already). In the meantime, I plan to keep up the physical activity (maintaining health in the long term is surely more important than giving in to a bit of moodiness) and will be doing my best to find enjoyment wherever it exists or how trivial it may seem. I think I’ll also get back into the blogging habit — I find that the time it takes to put a good post together is quite therapeutic!
Crossed Wires 